Painted Red

October 30th,

  Can a canvas tell the artist what it's going to be?

In the beginning of this month my mac I had come down to KY with promptly died, obviously I was a bit put out.  As time progressed however I have found time to read, pray, and involve myself deeper in my community; most importantly I began to realize that I am being re-constructed. When I left New York I told some of you that I was not going to change, I must apologize for not being a man of my word for I did not know what I spoke of.  Love has a way of changing you, a love that could only come from Christ. Yet as I set out to "widen my horizons" and "let go" I realize now that I was still holding on. I was holding on to control, I welcomed change and then beat it over the head when it came inside, for this I am sorrowful.  I see now that I have not come to Kentucky to change, I have come to discover who I actually was.  That has been somehow hidden from me all these years and it is humbling to awaken to the fact that my faith is so adolescent and my life but in it's infant stages.  Whether it is the air in Kentucky or perhaps the mist of the mornings I am unsure, but this I do know; something here has pulled me apart before God and allowed me to slowly be pieced back together, like a master mechanic cleaning a beautiful machine, my heart is being transformed by Christ's love. What does this mean? I do not know.   What I know is that it will be a long, beautiful, overpowering, and at times painful process.  Even the most beautiful rings must be scorched with fire, and so I look forward to the process that lies before me, as a canvas is eager to be filled so I am eager to be filled.  When the time is right for me to attain a new laptop and begin blogging daily I will gleefully do so, but until then know that I miss each and every one of you dearly and have nothing but love and life in my heart.  I wish the best to you all, In Christ's grace.   Your brother, Carmen~