Painted Red

October 30th,

  Can a canvas tell the artist what it's going to be?

In the beginning of this month my mac I had come down to KY with promptly died, obviously I was a bit put out.  As time progressed however I have found time to read, pray, and involve myself deeper in my community; most importantly I began to realize that I am being re-constructed. When I left New York I told some of you that I was not going to change, I must apologize for not being a man of my word for I did not know what I spoke of.  Love has a way of changing you, a love that could only come from Christ. Yet as I set out to "widen my horizons" and "let go" I realize now that I was still holding on. I was holding on to control, I welcomed change and then beat it over the head when it came inside, for this I am sorrowful.  I see now that I have not come to Kentucky to change, I have come to discover who I actually was.  That has been somehow hidden from me all these years and it is humbling to awaken to the fact that my faith is so adolescent and my life but in it's infant stages.  Whether it is the air in Kentucky or perhaps the mist of the mornings I am unsure, but this I do know; something here has pulled me apart before God and allowed me to slowly be pieced back together, like a master mechanic cleaning a beautiful machine, my heart is being transformed by Christ's love. What does this mean? I do not know.   What I know is that it will be a long, beautiful, overpowering, and at times painful process.  Even the most beautiful rings must be scorched with fire, and so I look forward to the process that lies before me, as a canvas is eager to be filled so I am eager to be filled.  When the time is right for me to attain a new laptop and begin blogging daily I will gleefully do so, but until then know that I miss each and every one of you dearly and have nothing but love and life in my heart.  I wish the best to you all, In Christ's grace.   Your brother, Carmen~

October

October 1st,

  Wow. October, it just..... came so fast.  I am slightly confused because I actually pulled off nine hours of sleep last night (which is crazy) and yet this morning I was incredibly  tired.  Yesterday I captured seven and felt great.... oh well.  John and I completed a fair amount of underpinning today and will hopefully return to it thursday after assisting Nate with his group.  John is a strange guy and I am unsure what to think of him, he has such a dry sense of humor it's almost non-existent.  Anyways we had four independents over for dinner and then watched the fifth star wars which was fun.  After that I wrote Zach's letter,  Skyped Symmer and hung out with Nate and Johnathan.  On the work site today I was trying to figure out what to do with my anxiety and depression episodes when something Nate said earlier came to me:  I am working on Christ's home, not this man's.  I worked for Christ today and that makes me happy.